What Women Want
It does more than a disservice to see all women as one monolithic whole. All generalizations are false, including this one. Women can neither be defined, nor pigeonholed, into a single label.
There are, however, several characteristics that many women have in common. For example, because of our biological history, and our need to survive as a species, women had to depend on relationships, so that other women could help them during childbirth or child-rearing. In fact, all mammals have a collaborative and intimate approach to these very important aspects of survival. Female porpoises, for instance, help in childbirth, and babysitting. Human females produce more oxytocin than their male counterparts, which may make them more willing to sacrifice for their young, making sure that they live. This link to your biological past, informs some of the behaviors and choices that you make today.
So, in choosing a mate, you may look for someone who is emotionally familiar, and thus, gravitate to a male who reminds you of your father’s personality type. For after all, these are the patterns that you recognize from your family of origin, are comfortable with, and know how to handle. And though, in your early relationships, you will most likely look for the negative characteristics of your father – as you’re still trying to get it right, trying to get along, while reaching for a level of satisfaction – when you mature, that high-maintenance relationship no longer works. Now, at an emotional crossroads, you must decide whether your relationship can grow and fulfill your needs, or if it’s time to move on.
Whether you choose a second relationship or not, the next stage of relationship will find you seeking the positive characteristics of your father. However, in some cases, if you had a particularly strong and controlling mother, you might unconsciously look for a combination of mother and father, while choosing a mate.
Nevertheless, there are certain qualities that women are prone to want and need. They include:
1. Trust. Trust is based on experience, and first and foremost, you want and need a man you can trust. Going back to that early period of our evolution, women had to compete for that male, to not only be her provider, but her protector. That feeling of being special, his one and only, is important. You want to know that he’s loyal, and that when you’re together, he won’t have roaming eyes, and that you are the center of his universe.
2. Commitment. You want your partner to be obligated, responsible, and committed to you… and only you. You want to know that the head on the pillow next to you is in your court, whether you’re right or wrong. And, you want to know that you can count on him, no matter what.
3. He is invested in you. You want to feel that he loves you, all of you… the good, the bad, and the ugly. You want to feel that he knows you, including your silly foibles, your food allergies, preferences, and politics, and loves you anyway. In his eyes, you need to see that you’re not only valued, but validated… that to him, you come first; that he understands and knows the real you and that he is with you all the way.
4. He must be honest. Intimacy can only happen when you risk being completely yourself, totally honest, and authentic… for only through intimacy, can love survive.
5. He must be mutual. Mutuality is the key to a good relationship. For only through mutuality can you feel you are an equal partner in the life you will build together. The greatest phrase a man or woman can use for each other is the question, “Sweetheart, how do feel about this?” This lets you know that he cares about what matters to you, what you think, and is not controlling the field of your emotions.
6. Empathy. My mother used to say, “To know all, is to forgive all.” That is certainly true in a relationship. You want a man who knows your history, and as a result, understands where you’re coming from. A man that is kind and compassionate, is a man that a woman can, not only love, but value and admire. And, it is through empathy that you appreciate what it is to love a good man, appreciating and recognizing that his softer side is his strength.
7. Your cheerleader. Your mate is your best friend, and therefore, your number one cheerleader. You want a man who wants you to blossom and grow, and be what you can be; a man who supports your passions and dreams, and encourages you toward self-determination.
8. Sense of humor. You want a man who can make you laugh, instead of taking himself too seriously, and who is mildly self-deprecating. In the darkest moments of your life, humor can always turn on the light. So, find a man who can make you smile.
9. Self-Respect. You want a man who has self-respect, because if he respects himself, he will respect you. Even if you disagree on politics, finances, education, or child-rearing, if you respect each other’s opinions, you can find a way to collaborate.
10. Passionate and romantic. It is always the little things that mean a lot, and one of the most romantic things a man can do is to help you unload the dishwasher, put the children to bed one night, or do a load of laundry. You want a fellow who has been thinking about you, and is sensitive to your needs and feelings. And, an unexpected bouquet of flowers, whether picked in the garden or the grocery store, will warm your heart and ignite your passion.